Recent Changes

Peer Review
Hey Cammy,
First off, wow. There is some really great work in here. You definitely have spot-on self analysis when you say that you can write more freely when you pick your topic. Even when you have to mold free writing into a certain style, as in your imitative pieces, you manage to have a profound voice full of passion. I really enjoyed reading your work. Definitely the analysis at the beginning was disorganized, but that was/is the case for so many people, and I'm sure you've already improved vastly there. Well done, pal.

Peer Review
There is a nice range of different types of writing here and I like that. I especially liked looking through the college essay and the Catcher imitation piece because it is clear how much you really care about music and football. It's nice to see the passion come through in the writing. The organization of essays is definitely important, so I am glad to hear that you set that goal and achieved it. I think it would have been interesting to see another, more recent, analytical essay on here to compare the organization from the summer reading essay, but like I said, the range of works on here was really enjoyable to read.

Dear Reader,
to write that’llthat will get you
Along with the shifting from the analysis styled DBQ to a more interesting style of writing, I’ve also noticed myself enjoying writing analysis papers less and less. My favorite papers have been the ones were we had to do a creative piece while mimicking an author. The thing that surprises me is that I used to prefer the ridged style of the DBQ. Now I enjoy just being able to sit down and write whatever I feel. It allows me to ramble a little bit because it’s hard to move away from a topic that you create. That’s probably why I like creative writing so much now. My biggest problem at the beginning of the year was organizing my thoughts and not allowing myself to ramble and go off topic. With your own topic, it’s harder to do that.
The mimicimitation pieces we “The Shower Area”
Area” which was say that I’ve
I’ve disliked a
Another thing that I had trouble with in September (and still now) was deriving meaning from writing. In my writing I still sometimes say things just to say them. A lot of my thesis statements were just lists of things that happened as opposed to the finding deeper meaning. This is one of the bigger issues in my writing, along with continuing to improve the organization of my thoughts. My goal is to conquer this second semester.
Now a little about the Wikifolio. Since in school we like to view the year as a progression, I’ve decided to set up this Wikifolio in the same way. The essays I’ve uploaded start with my first essay from September to my last essay I wrote for my second quarter author assignment. I’ve included some essays in between as well. The essays I put in show the progression of me as a writer, from my first, worst essay and the later mimic essays which were my best. I look at each essay as a step towards honing my skills as a writer. Therefore my evaluation of each will be what skills I gained from the essay, what skills I used, and what skills I could’ve used to make it better.

Anyway he left after his speech and we retreated back to the shower area to get the rest of our gear on. Those goddam shoulder pads clicked and the metal tips on our cleats clacked on the tile as the guys made their way out of the locker room. I was the last one out. I took a deep breath, so deep it hurt my damn lungs. It really did. I breathed in all eight weeks of sweat and dirt, those damn celebrating kids, the ancient wooden benches, that kid who almost got the Superbowl ring, took it all with me and got the hell out of there.
Evaluation:
in my intointro letter, I easy to mimic.imitate. His dialect semester skills. IIt was organized, but I still enjoy it

Then his classmates turned on him. They attacked Joseph with their words. He was called a coward and weak and that he was unfit to even think about enlisting with his classmates. Even Katorek joined in reminding Joseph of the great country he was going to let down. Joseph sat quietly and listening to their comments and their insults. Then he went home.
He was quiet most of the night. He did his homework and ate his dinner and cleaned up and read his books. Then he told his parents that he was going to enlist the next day. They were dumbfounded. Their only child was leaving them for the front. They couldn’t accept it. They tried to tell him his place was here with the academics, not there with the barbaric. He would not listen to them though. His parents cried for Joseph as he went upstairs to go to bed.
as his
classmates, and a helmet and jacket and boots and pants. Then he went home a soldier.
He put on his new uniform one piece at a time. Pants then boots then shirt then jacket then helmet. The sleeves on the jacket were too long and almost covered his hands, the pants were baggy, and he could just see under the brim of his helmet. His mother refused to look at him in his uniform. His father stood there with him in front of the mirror, patting his shoulder. Then his father walked away, quietly sobbing. It was going to be their last dinner before Joseph left for boot camp. Joseph removed his gear so he could sit with his mother. The Behms ate quietly that evening.
In the morning they said their goodbyes. Joseph received a picture of his mother and father then left for the train. He met his classmates at the station and was received warmly by them. They all said “hello” and gave him pats on the back. Then Joseph sat quietly and listened to his classmates gossip about the front. They talked about the French and the English and the fierce fighting and the trench warfare and the machine guns and the snipers. They talked about the girls they were leaving behind in germany and about their parents. The train pull in to the final station and they all got off. They were at boot camp.
The camp was tough for Joseph. He was small in stature and was only averagely athletic. The equipment weighed him down so much that his normally quick self was very slow and fatigued. He was yelled at and punished with running and pushups for coming in last. Still he pushed on. He tagged behind his classmates and learned with them like he had done in school.
the attack
was repressed. Joseph and all his classmates survived.
There was rumor about a counter-attack amongst the classmates. The squad’s commanding officer said that it would be foolish because they have waited to long. Then the counter attack was called. It was four days and six hours into Joseph’s service. The commanding officer reminded the boys about the greatness of Germany and that they were her protectors. They were called over the wall. Joseph boosted himself over and began to charge. Then a crack rang out. All of Joseph’s classmates heard the shot, but not Joseph. He quietly fell to the ground as his classmates ran by.
Joseph Behm, the reluctant Iron Youth.
Evaluation:
their writing stylesstyles, the hardest them down. ThatsThat's something that To make themy story fit seamlessly with All Quiet on the actually storyWestern Front, I used analytical essays. ThisPulling out direct quotes for supporting evidence is something

The thing that makes Shakespeare so difficult to deeply comprehend is the language that he uses. Because we don’t use the language in everyday scenarios, I found it difficult to understand the text on the first try. For example, the first time Oberon and Titania entered the story (2.1.62), I was utterly confused with what their conflict was. It wasn’t until I reread the passage multiple times when understood that Oberon and Titania had been married for a very long time and that Oberon accused Titania of cheating and vice versa. I could then pull out that they had a tedious relationship and didn’t really love each other. I thought that maybe Shakespeare thought that marriage was tedious and not worth it.
When we had a group discussion one of my classmates brought out the point that they’re immortal fairies. If they didn’t love each other they would have left by now. This was something that didn’t even cross my mind while reading the book. Since I was so caught up in trying to understand the language I wasn’t able to see the deeper meaning. Then when we got into group discussion I was able to combine my ideas with my peers’ ideas to come to deeper conclusions.
Patty let
Mike and I try her whoopie pies. When we sat down to talk through our scripts we talked about the emotions we would convey on “stage.” When reading the book over the summer since I was so focused on comprehension, I could only really see basic emotions like happy, sad, and angry. When my group discussed it, our three interpretations combined to have very specific emotions for each dialogue. We had annotations on our script such as “Finger wag-ish,” “Ultimatum-y,” “Ooey-gooey,” and “Scheming.” We had to be specific because humans have more then just basic emotions, they can be happy, sad, and angry, but they can also be everything in between.
A character that I played in our scene was Thesus. He was the mediator between the whole love quadrangle as well as Hermia’s father. When I first read his lines in the play I read them as aggressive and very authoritative. Upon talking with my peers in class and in my group, I came to the conclusion that he was more coolheaded. I ended up performing his little monologues in a calm way, like he’s calmly but earnestly telling Hermia to weigh her options.
After this experience I believe you have to be able to see the play not just read it. The way I perceive the play now to how I did over the summer is much more clear, detailed, and coherent. I can see the sorrow of Helena, the bickering between Titania and Oberon, the aggressiveness of the fight between the lovers, and the sheer foolishness of the actors. What it took for me to understand the text was the transfer of ideas between my peers and then mixing those ideas with mine to come up with the best possible interpretation of the play.
Evaluation:
I wrote overon my summer Midsummer’s Night Dream better. (And

Throughout the entire book however Amir feels or what his condition mimics the condition of the country he resides in. When he’s great Afghanistan is peaceful and prosperous, when he moves to America and can’t escape he memories he’s surrounded by Afghani culture, and when he’s lost almost everything Afghanistan is in ruins. This does a couple of things, it strengthens the sense of the joy or despair that Amir feels by making not only him show these feelings, but all of his surroundings show them too. It also constantly brings up a theme that he’s always connected to Afghanistan. The book really highlights the Afghani's pride for their country and culture and this subliminal connection between Amir and Afghanistan, and that you can always relate the two, highlights that nicely.
Evaluation:
After reading itit, I can topic sentence in towards the

Then his classmates turned on him. They attacked Joseph with their words. He was called a coward and weak and that he was unfit to even think about enlisting with his classmates. Even Katorek joined in reminding Joseph of the great country he was going to let down. Joseph sat quietly and listening to their comments and their insults. Then he went home.
He was quiet most of the night. He did his homework and ate his dinner and cleaned up and read his books. Then he told his parents that he was going to enlist the next day. They were dumbfounded. Their only child was leaving them for the front. They couldn’t accept it. They tried to tell him his place was here with the academics, not there with the barbaric. He would not listen to them though. His parents cried for Joseph as he went upstairs to go to bed.
as his classmates,
classmates, and a
He put on his new uniform one piece at a time. Pants then boots then shirt then jacket then helmet. The sleeves on the jacket were too long and almost covered his hands, the pants were baggy, and he could just see under the brim of his helmet. His mother refused to look at him in his uniform. His father stood there with him in front of the mirror, patting his shoulder. Then his father walked away, quietly sobbing. It was going to be their last dinner before Joseph left for boot camp. Joseph removed his gear so he could sit with his mother. The Behms ate quietly that evening.
In the morning they said their goodbyes. Joseph received a picture of his mother and father then left for the train. He met his classmates at the station and was received warmly by them. They all said “hello” and gave him pats on the back. Then Joseph sat quietly and listened to his classmates gossip about the front. They talked about the French and the English and the fierce fighting and the trench warfare and the machine guns and the snipers. They talked about the girls they were leaving behind in germany and about their parents. The train pull in to the final station and they all got off. They were at boot camp.
The camp was tough for Joseph. He was small in stature and was only averagely athletic. The equipment weighed him down so much that his normally quick self was very slow and fatigued. He was yelled at and punished with running and pushups for coming in last. Still he pushed on. He tagged behind his classmates and learned with them like he had done in school.
the attack was
was repressed. Joseph
There was rumor about a counter-attack amongst the classmates. The squad’s commanding officer said that it would be foolish because they have waited to long. Then the counter attack was called. It was four days and six hours into Joseph’s service. The commanding officer reminded the boys about the greatness of Germany and that they were her protectors. They were called over the wall. Joseph boosted himself over and began to charge. Then a crack rang out. All of Joseph’s classmates heard the shot, but not Joseph. He quietly fell to the ground as his classmates ran by.
It was a few hours later, the classmates were eating their lunch bread. The counter-attack had been repelled. The classmates perked up to a blood curdling scream. It was Joseph. He had woke in complete darkness even though it was one in the afternoon. The shot blinded him. He stood up in confusion and was quickly struck again. He let out a quiet sob as his young life of 19 left him.
Joseph Behm, the reluctant Iron Youth.
Evaluation:
This assignment, even though enjoyable, was difficult. I had to take two different authors (Enric Remarque and Earnest Hemingway) and do an imitative piece on them. Once I looked at both of their writing styles the hardest part was finding a story that I could write in their styles. I brainstormed for a while. I tried to start my own story but it promptly crashed. Turns out I’m not too good that the creative part of creative writing since most of my pieces are non-fiction. I finally decided the best story to write in their voices was a continuation of one of their stories. Joesph Behm was an underdeveloped character in All Quiet on the Western Front. The main thing I got from this essay was brainstorming and forming my thoughts before writing them down. Thats something that plagued me in the first essay I wrote. I just put down ideas as they came to me instead of forming them to make sense.
I also pulled a lot from the books in this story. The reading was my influence behind the writing. To make the story fit seamlessly with the actually story I used paraphrased lines. For example the second to last line in the story is my favorite line from the book just paraphrased. That leads to another problem I have, pulling out direct quotes from books. This is especially hard for me in analytical essays. This is something that I hope to address 2nd Semester.